Lori is a longtime member of the BFRB Change Collective and a cherished friend of HabitAware. She's conquered trichotillomania and discovered that our system truly works for her. Every week, she brings her upbeat energy and valuable insights to our online community, and we couldn't be happier! She's excited to share her journey and offer a peek into her winning strategies.
Hi! My name is Lori and I live in Northern Virginia, about 30 miles south of Washington, DC. I began pulling my hair from my scalp at age 10. I specifically only pulled from the crown of my head and had a bald spot there. My mom took me to a doctor. I played dumb and acted like my hair must be falling out. I don’t even think docs heard of trichotillomania back then. I bet he told my mom it was just a phase and would pass, and not to call attention to it. I used to lightly touch that tender spot and feel the regrowth. It was kind of prickly. I was glad it was growing back. Yet it did not keep me from pulling. Many people wonder if pulling out my hair physically hurts. Yes, it does. Yet does it also somehow feel good at the same time? Also, yes. It is a pleasure-pain combo. I do not know if anyone in school noticed. I combed the rest of my hair over the bald spot and secured a barrette below it. I hid it well. This must have happened during the school year and not during summer months, because I always went swimming every summer. I would not have gone to the pool if I had that bald spot. I was too ashamed and feared anyone else ever seeing it. It was my bad secret. I got my official diagnosis around 2003 from a psychiatrist, who prescribed Lithium. It did not work for my trich, and it had weird side effects. I stopped taking it and have not tried any medicines since then.
I have spent my life wondering WHY I ever began pulling out my hair. I am frustrated that I cannot pinpoint the WHY. I do not recall going through any kind of abuse during my childhood. I do recall a traumatic event in school that changed me forever. I was in 5th grade and did not understand the math lesson, which was subtraction and division. I dared to ask the teacher a question. She shamed me in front of the whole class. I never asked a question in class again, and this event absolutely affected my “block” for all things math for the rest of my life. Her berating me for simply asking a question, a question she deemed was a dumb question, really hurt me. I was so ashamed. In college, it was time to choose a major. I read the entire course catalog to see the requirements for each major. Although I liked marketing and advertising and wanted to focus on those, they required math classes, so I dismissed them. The only major which did not require math was to major in English. I did not seek a teaching certificate - yet the exchange was that I had to take 2 years 4 semesters of a foreign language. Done. I chose French and made an A and 3 Bs. I currently cannot speak more than maybe 5 words in French. I did have to take a self-paced mathy kind of class and tutors were readily available. Plus I had a friend down the hall in the dorm and she helped me with that math class. Somehow I passed it. My trich has been very off and on all my life. I’ve gone a couple years at a time and not pulled any hairs. I have no idea how I did that. I’m guessing I was super busy and did not think about it. I know it is triggered by anxiety, which I now realize I have had since childhood.
In 2014, I was 51. I started pulling a lot and knew it was getting out of control. I Googled hair pulling support groups just to see if anything existed. I got lucky. There was one in my area called something like Northern Virginia Trich and Pick. I emailed them. I attended in-person support group meetings. Finally, I did not feel alone anymore. There were others. There were many of us. I found my home. At first I attended all the monthly meetings. Then life got busy and my pulling was under control, so I slacked off. I picked back up again several years later, and this time we were no longer meeting at people’s homes and bringing snacks. We met in meeting rooms at a library. I was still getting reminder emails from the group, who was now led by Ellen Crupi. I think it was during the pandemic, around 2020, when I began attending again. This time everything was on Zoom, and that’s okay. I think it was around September 2021 or 2022 when the BFRB Change Collective was born. I dove into it and was consistently attending meetings and feeling in more control of my hair pulling. I knew I was not alone. I finally had an entire community from all over the world who had this thing in common with me. I felt relieved and seen and validated. I have only had ONE bad pulling session since joining the Collective. It was around September 2022, and I was sitting in my car, such a trigger for me - and the sun was shining just right. This time, I was pulling behind my left ear. Mainly gray hairs. I was in a trance. I finally snapped out of it and looked down at the hairs on my pant leg. I tossed them out of the car. In our next monthly Zoom meeting, I confessed my shame and feared I had relapsed. I was told to give myself grace. Turns out, it was more of a “one off” experience.
In March 2024, I began singing and humming during all waking hours. Aneela Idnani taught me that it is like old school chanting, which vibrates the vagus nerve and calms me down. It works so well for me, and it is free! My anxiety has decreased. My depression is better.
During April 2024, I pulled 3 hairs from the front of my scalp. I told Aneela, and she said that’s okay, and it’s actually a win. Confused, I asked how. She said because I used to pull 300 hairs or more, so 3 was okay, and reminded me to give myself grace.
I am so grateful for my BFRB Change Collective community. We are a team. They have my back and I have theirs. We get it. No matter what BFRB someone has, there will be others who can relate. It’s a safe space where members can reach out for help, encourage teammates with poems and quotes, take little challenge quizzes and vote on how we are feeling about self-care and self-love (those things have improved greatly for me)!
Take the leap of faith like Lori did, and PROVE to yourself that you're not alone, and a team has your back.
