This is a guest post written by Hania Kułakowska, who was inspired by her experiences with trichotillomania to become a hair dresser! She's lived with Trichotillomania since she was 11 years old, and has considered herself "pull-free" for 7 months. She is sharing her journey online to support others and grow more awareness around BFRBs! @kulakowskahania
I was scared to go to the hairdresser’s because of my Trichotillomania, so I became one!
Tips before your haircut appointment
I was the person who needed that kind of article, so I'm very grateful to share my background and experience with you. Information about Hair-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (HFRBs) online is relatively new and still growing. This could be one explanation why most hair professionals have no experience or knowledge about HFRBs.
Ultimately, we don’t know how many people are scared of going to the salon. People with hair-pulling disorder are often afraid to be judged for their HFRBDs. Sitting in the salon chair can feel especially vulnerable because we are exposing something that we usually spend so much time hiding.
That’s why my first tip is to have an honest conversation with the hair professional before an appointment.
Remember, you are not obligated to tell more than you feel comfortable sharing.
You don’t need to tell your entire story or explain every detail of your HFRB if you feel it would be too much for you.
Just letting the hair professional know that you have an HFRB and you feel anxious about your appointment can make a big difference.
Next most important: Finding the right hair professional. Hair professionals are ideally skilled at cutting and styling hair and embody traits such as empathy, patience, and the ability to listen without judgment.
When you are dealing with HFRBs, the way the hair professional communicates with you matters as much as the haircut itself, and it makes you feel seen and safe; suddenly, your biggest fear creates a comfort zone. The right hair professional doesn’t just work with your hair, but also provides a safe space.
So, how do you actually find this kind of hair professional?
If possible, visit a salon that appeals to you from the outside, or that got great referrals. Then ask for a short consultation before booking your appointment. Think of it as a first step toward getting to know the hair professional and the space, without the pressure to talk too much about your behavior or expose more than you are ready for at the moment. This is about giving yourself time to slowly see how you feel around your potential hair professional and whether the salon feels safe and comfortable for you.
Not every salon will be right for you. Finding the right salon is a process, and it’s okay if it takes more than one try. Most hair professionals will be kind and willing to listen, even if they have never worked with someone with HFRBs before.
Every experience will be different. Sometimes you may meet someone who doesn’t fully understand HFRBs or how to respond in a supportive way. If it happens, try to remember this.
Your HFRB should not be a reason for not visiting a hair salon; you are not a problem.
A hair professional who makes you feel ashamed, judged, or embarrassed may simply lack the knowledge, experience, or tools to support someone in a vulnerable situation, but it has nothing to do with you. And if the place doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It simply means that you are still in the process of finding the right person for you.
Additional tips:
Once you have found a hair professional you trust, there are four additional aspects you can address.
Getting your hair cut in front of a mirror or not
If you don’t want to see yourself during the appointment, you can ask whether it is possible to cover the mirror or turn the chair around.
Getting your hair washed or not
-If you don’t like your hair being washed by another person, you can ask if it is ok to come with freshly washed hair that has been dried. Perhaps spraying it wet would be okay for you.
Privacy
If privacy makes you feel better, you can ask if there is a separate room, or you can offer to pay extra if the hair professional is willing to come after hours.
Talking or silence
You can request mostly silence for your hair appointment and explain that you would like to relax and to feel the touch, or whatever is true for you.
Header image by Farhad Ibrahimzade on Unsplash
