Hello, I’m Emma, 33, Scottish, a doctor and live in London and this is my first time writing for a blog! That feels a little like a dating profile introduction - haha - but facts are facts!
Emma using her KeenLite, photo by Nelson Kamali
I’ve had trichotillomania since I was about 16 but only put a name to it about 3 years ago, despite being very aware of what trichotillomania is for longer! I touch the hair on my head A LOT when I’m stressed or nervous and used to pull out my hair for periods of time over the last 10 years, and it felt so nice at the time, but left me feeling rubbish after. When I was born the midwives had to give me a haircut so I’ve always had loads of hair and so it’s been easy to disguise my trichotillomania for a long time and sometimes if I talk about pulling out my hair people will be like “but you’ve got so much hair what are you on about?!?”
When I started getting pilar cysts in the areas I’d pulled at the most it really got me down. I’ve had quite a few removed and so I have scarring on my scalp alongside the areas where I’ve pulled! But even then I hadn’t put a name to my compulsive hair pulling and I wasn’t making the connection to when I would do it! It was only when someone pointed out I had lovely hair and another doctor said “she’d have a lot more if she didn’t touch it so much” and then said it was called trichotillomania that I named it. I felt really ashamed at that point as everyone would emulate me touching my hair as a ‘thing’ and I didn’t like that.
I remember sitting with my mum and brother and saying “enough is enough, I can’t keep doing this” but of course it’s not as simple as just stopping.
I spoke to my family and friends and asked them for support, I bought countless fidget spinners, I’d have an internal dialogue of “stop it, don’t do that, you don’t want to touch your hair Emma, you’ll get more cysts, come on stop” and whilst they helped a bit the most useful tool I’ve found has been the KeenLite on my Apple Watch.
My brother tried to convince me to get an Apple Watch for years- I hate wearing watches so I wasn’t keen. Then I saw the advert for HabitAware and I thought it could be helpful but thought if I was going to wear something on my wrist having everything the watch has as well as the KeenLite would be great. So for my last birthday I asked for money towards it and bought my first watch!
I wasn’t sure what it would be like to have my watch buzzing at me all the time, I thought it may be uncomfortable or a bit odd and so I was a bit hesitant. The cost is really good for what you get but of course I hadn’t used it before so was sceptical. The good thing was that there was a trial so you could try it out first. My mum said I would be investing in myself so I hit the purchase button.
On the KeenLite it’s not a continuous monitor so you have to do ‘sessions’ so to speak, but I find this helpful as I now put it on in scenarios that I know I’ll touch/pull more. For example, when doing administrative work, when a passenger in the car or in a stressful situation/phone call. It gives a gentle buzz that feels a bit like a friendly reminder that you’re doing something unhelpful rather than a punishment! My boyfriend will take my hand if he notices I’m doing my BFRB and KeenLite does essentially that but via my watch!
I think the main thing it has taught me is to recognise my triggers and when I’m more likely to subconsciously do it. It has allowed me to prepare for certain situations and realise that usually there’s a reason for me doing it, even if I’m unaware at the time!
I did have to change it from one setting to another to get it to work properly for the area that I pull from, but with all apps there sometimes needs a bit of tweaking so I have it on the ‘nail biting’ feature to ensure it buzzes when it’s meant to.
I love that my watch is now even more ‘multipurpose’ and it’s so easy to show people how it works. A lot of people already have a smart watch and so it means that they don’t feel they need to invest in a new piece of kit. Plus if people aren’t as open about their BFRB nobody needs to know as it’s all hidden in your watch!
I hate wearing a watch but now I don't notice it and I invested in some nice straps so I feel more glam whilst trying to keep my hair in check!
I would say the KeenLite has helped me make the most progress in managing my BFRB but being open with people, having a nonjudgemental hairdresser, going to a trichologist and following Barbara and other trichsters on social media have collectively made such a difference! I realise the above seems like a lot of effort but it’s all an investment into future me!
I’ve gone from being scared and ashamed to tell people about my trichotillomania, to talking about it on a podcast- turns out more people are like us - they may just not figure it out until they are older, or in my case 30!
"Enough was enough" for Emma, and now she sees she is enough! We hope you will join the journey with us:
Listen to Emma's Trich Talks Episode to hear more about her journey with trichotillomania and KeenLite
Emma used HabitAware's Apple Watch app, KeenLite to take control of trichotillomania. Try it for hair pulling, face picking (dermatillomania), or nail biting (onychophagia).
Click to get KeenLite on your Apple Watch.
Try the Keen2 bracelet for "always-on" awareness, the world's only smart bracelet designed specifically for hair pulling, skin picking, and nail biting.
Order now and start your journey!
