Beyond Keen's

Beyond Keen's "Hug": 4 tips on how to overcome after "Keen" awareness

November 28, 2018 6 Comments

For those of you who are new to our Keen family, welcome home 🏠.

This is a safe place, no judging. Here, at the HabitAware blog, you can just be you and hopefully find some fuel for your soul. 

And ,if you have been part of the Keen family for a while, I’m delighted you're back!

Before I talk about the actionable steps 👣 to take to control of your body focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) & retrain your brain, I do want to take a moment and talk about what it’s like to have a BFRB before finding awareness and taking control.  

Ellen’s BFRB 101: What are Body-focused Repetitive Behaviors? What is hair pulling? What is skin picking?

Body focused repetitive behaviors include hair pulling (trichotillomania), skin picking (dermatillomania), nail biting and other unwanted behaviors. BFRBs are a self-soothing, coping mechanism for anxiety, stress, excitement and even boredom.

Hair pulling and skin picking are beyond our control & while we may want to stop, we can’t just stop and we don’t know why. Shame, Isolation, Self-Stigma and Negative Self-Speak are our constant companions.    

Uncovering Solutions with the Power of Awareness

But they don’t have to be. Looking back on my journey, here’s what I uncovered and continue to PRACTICE each day -- because practice makes it permanent in time.

👣 Step 1:  Acknowledge that having a BFRB is NOT your fault.   

In our weekly newsletters, Aneela often likens BFRBs to diabetes. My mom was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 65, which is a story in itself. It wasn’t her fault and she certainly couldn’t just tell her pancreas to “just stop it and and process my sugar correctly!”

Same with my BFRB.  While others might say “can’t you just stop?” The answer is NO. You can’t just magically stop pulling or picking, just like my Mom couldn’t magically make her body stop giving her diabetes.

We need to let go of that guilt that is both self-imposed and imposed on us by others. They don't get it & we don't have to waste our energy trying to make them understand (though it will go along way in helping them develop compassion & awareness!)

👣 Step 2:  You can make change - but you need to work at it!

Keen helps you work smarter - by building your awareness of unwanted trance-like behaviors.BFRBs do serve a purpose, maybe not the best but albeit an attempt to help us cope and soothe in response to anxiety, stress, boredom, overactivity or inactivity. Others might binge eat, gamble or chronically shop. I pull, you may pick or nail bite.
Deciding that it’s time to change how we let our body and mind process the overactivity or inactivity we encounter daily is hard. But making this decision is the most important part of the process. If you're not ready for change, it's just not going to happen.

👣 Step 3:  Be kind to yourself, starting with a HUG

The best treatment for trichotillomania or dermatillomania is treating yourself right! What I mean by this, is you need to learn to replace negative self-speak with self-love.

Keen bracelet is a hug on your wrist, helping you take control of trichotillomania or dermatillomania.This can start with the "HUG" right there on your wrist: your Keen bracelet. When I’m wearing Keen, and it gently vibrates, I associate the vibration with a gentle hug on my wrist, saying “hey Ellen, you don’t have to do this, hands down and, breathe.”  Whether you catch yourself before you pull or pick or while engaging in your behavior, THANK YOURSELF for your awareness, "hey, good job, I noticed!"


Step 3 is not a Step that you master and cross off your list, but rather one that nourishes you everyday, like water, food and fresh air.  I like to consider Step 3 a practice. We can’t always be good to ourselves but we can choose to practice being kind to ourselves. Give it a try. 


👣 Step 4:  I got a HUG, now I’m going to ________________

Keen is your self care alarm - letting you know you need to take care of your self!When I first started wearing Keen &  I felt the hug, I changed my internal dialogue:
From: “what’s wrong with you Ellen, why can’t you stop” coupled with the slap of negative self speak and shame.
To:  “hey Ellen, you don’t have to do this, hands down, breathe and look around, look within -- “what’s happening right now? how am I feeling right now? What's bothering me right now?”

I began to create a new process and here’s what I learned about how I'm feeling in certain situations:

Situation

Feelings

driving

Passive or frustrated/anxious especially if I’m lost

In my closet choosing what to wear

concentrating

Reading - anywhere but especially at in bed

Relaxing, resting

At my desk/computer

concentrating

While talking on the phone

Relaxed, anxious, mad, frustrated -- depending on the person & situation

Waiting in line

Bored, frustrated

 

True confessions:

I tend to pull BOTH automatically, as well as purposefully/focused.  Before Step 2, I would go to bed with a book knowing I would pull and look forward to the pulling, loving it until my scalp started to ache and hair was all over the floor.  

My ritual included:  running the hair through my teeth, biting off the root, biting the hair into little pieces and dropping the hair on the ground.  I like the sound of the pluck, the feel in my hands, between my teeth, on my lips, and the final sprinkle of hair on the floor.

As I began to uncover these patterns, I moved to Step 4, experimenting with other actions to take after my hug. Here’s what I do now that I have the power of "Keen" awareness & it's hug:

 

Place

Feeling

Strategy - what I do once I get the Hug

Hug = awareness, and I pat myself on the back for being aware, then I….

driving

Bored, passive, frustrated/anxious if I’m lost

  • Hold a coffee mug or water bottle in one hand and the wheel with the other

  • I rub a pencil eraser on my lips as I like the feeling

In my closet choosing what to wear

concentrating

Take deep breaths in and out and then choose what to wear

Reading - anywhere but especially at in bed

Relaxing, resting

I keep a pencils with erasers on my nightstand.  I grab my book & the pencil which prevents me from pulling in bed

At my desk/computer

concentrating

  • Pencils (like above)
  • Get up and take a short walk
  • Stop working and eat lunch or a healthy snack

While talking on the phone

Relaxing or could be frustrated (depending on whom I’m taking with

  • Grab a pencil
  • Grab a mug, water to put in one hand while the phone is in the other

Waiting in any long line (grocery, store, carpool)

Bored, frustrated

Take several deep breaths in and out

In front of the mirror

Dim the lights before walking in

Set a timer and try to beat it

 

I like the sensory feeling of the pencil erasers and the cups in my hand & I can’t pull if one hand is on the wheel or a book and the other is holding something else.  

I also like the feeling of deep, slow breaths in and out.  I uncovered that I tend to pull when I’m feeling stressed about not having enough time.  So I’ve added a mantra “I have plenty of time and I know just what to do”. Just saying those words, even if they are not true, calms me down and gives me a reset.  

Today’s Takeaways:  

  1. Having a BFRB is not your fault
  2. You need to be ready - decide you want to change
  3. Replace negative self speak with self love
  4. Notice what’s happening when you get Keen's "Hug" - without judgement
  5. Experiment with replacement activities that feel good to you
  6. Practice 1 - 5 - because "practice makes permanent"!

As always, let me know what you think.  What works for you? Need a little extra help with Keen, we are here for you! 

Ellen - HabitAware Team - TrichotillomaniaEnergetically,
Ellen
Recovering trichster & HabitAware Director of "Keen" Awareness



6 Responses

Ellen with Keen Team
Ellen with Keen Team

February 18, 2019

HI Cathy!

Thank you for your comment on my blog and I’m delighted you found it helpful. And, I’m so thrilled you are able to control your hair pulling with Keen!

You question/comment about feeling “lost” and/or “anxious” is a very insightful one and probably a very personal one too. For me, and I bet this is similar with most of us who pick or pull, my pulling served a purpose. It feels good. It calms me down. It centers me. I love it and I hate it. So it makes sense to me that while Keen is helping you take control of your pulling and reduce the behavior, there is a loss or a kind of “mourning” over the loss of the pulling.

In my journey, the first month of wearing Keen was amazing. Keen caught me and I put my hands down. But that wasn’t enough. I had to replace that pulling with something healthy. To get the physical sensation (I like the feel of the hair on my lips) I replaced the pulling with rubbing a pencil eraser on my lips. I also LOVED associating the vibration with a hug. So, even if I wasn’t touching my hair, sometimes I would do my behavior (but not pull) just to get the hug. I also did a lot of noticing. Am I hungry, am I tired, should I get a drink of water or leave the room and that helped too.

For the anxiety, I did a lot of deep breathing, and still do. Deep breathing helps slow down the central nervous system and center you. Just like we always have our hands and hair with us, we also always have our breathe. So give that a try. And also allow yourself to feel the loss. It’s ok. And remember, wearing Keen is an act of self care.

Thank you again for your comment. Cathy you really made my day.
Energetically,
Ellen

Ellen with Keen Team
Ellen with Keen Team

February 18, 2019

I’m so thrilled you liked my blog post and I’m delighted to hear you no longer feel alone. I felt alone for way to long and now I’m not. And neither are you. You will always be a member of my Keen family.

You question is a good one about needing two Keens if you pull with both hands. When I first started wearing Keen, almost two years ago, I purchased two but didn’t want to wear two out, so I only wore one outside but wore two when I was at home. Just like everyone picks and pulls differently, some people need one Keen while others need two.

Here’s what I learned about myself during my journey with Keen: I typically start pulling with my left hand behind my left ear and if I’m successful at the pull, then I move to my right hand. But, if I am able to stop before the pull, then I don’t move to my right.hand. For me, I just need one Keen.

When you first start wearing Keen, there is a discovery phase. This is where you start to learn where your hands are. It’s really powerful. Within about three months my hand went up to my hair less and less. I started missing the Keen hug (vibration) so I would do my behavior (not pull though) just to get the hug and then put my hands down.

Do you have a Keen or are you contemplating getting one? I always recommend starting with one Keen and one area to get to know yourself and Keen. If you find you need a second Keen, just email support@habitaware.com or me and we’ll send you a discount code for your second one.

I hope this helps. Ashley, you really made my day with your note.

Ashley
Ashley

February 12, 2019

Hi Ellen, I loved your blog post. I suddenly feel like I’m not alone. What should I do if I pull with both hands at different times but the bracelet is only on one wrist? What are the success rates of the bracelet? Thank you, ashley

Cathy
Cathy

February 14, 2019

Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I have a question that maybe you can help me with. With the habitaware bracelet i’ve been able quit most of my hairpulling behaviour for the last 3/4 weeks. Although it makes me very happy and proud on some moments, overal I feel more ‘lost’ and anxious. Ofcourse I was expecting a bit of a fight. Is this something you recognize? If you did, what amount of time did you need to become more stable again in your anxiety level?
Thank you

Julie
Julie

January 02, 2019

Hi Ellen,

Whenever I relapse , I love the fact the I can access your blogs which helps me get back on track. Thankyou

Rachel Grice
Rachel Grice

December 06, 2018

Thanks Ellen! Your posts give me hope that I can recover and be permanently changed! Thank you for providing actionable strategies!

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Sizing Guide

Not sure which size is right for you?

It's important that Keen fits snugly. Here's a quick guide to help you decide which bracelet size to order:

(images not to scale)

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