For those of you who are new to our Keen family, welcome homeĀ š .
This is a safe place, no judging. Here, at the HabitAware blog, you can just be you and hopefully find some fuel for your soul.Ā
And ,if you have been part of the Keen family for a while, Iām delighted you'reĀ back!
Before I talk about the actionable steps š£ to take to control of yourĀ body focused repetitive behaviorĀ (BFRB) & retrain your brain, I do want to take a moment and talk about what itās like to have a BFRB before finding awareness and taking control.Ā Ā
Body focused repetitive behaviors include hair pulling (trichotillomania), skin picking (dermatillomania), nail biting and other unwanted behaviors. BFRBsĀ are a self-soothing, coping mechanism for anxiety, stress, excitement and even boredom.
Hair pulling and skin pickingĀ are beyond our control & while we may want to stop, we canāt just stop and we donāt know why. Shame, Isolation, Self-StigmaĀ and Negative Self-Speak are our constant companions.Ā Ā Ā
But they donāt have to be. Looking back on my journey, hereās what I uncovered and continue to PRACTICE each day -- because practiceĀ makes it permanent in time.
š£Ā Step 1: Ā Acknowledge that having a BFRB isĀ NOT your fault. Ā Ā
In our weekly newsletters, Aneela often likens BFRBs to diabetes. My mom was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 65, which is a story in itself. It wasnāt her fault and she certainly couldnāt just tell her pancreas to ājust stop it and and process my sugar correctly!ā
Same with my BFRB. Ā While others might say ācanāt you just stop?ā The answer is NO. You canāt just magically stop pulling or picking, just like my Mom couldnāt magically make her body stop giving her diabetes.
We need to let go of that guilt that is both self-imposed and imposed on us by others. They don't get it & we don't have to waste our energy trying to make them understand (though it will go along way in helping them develop compassion & awareness!)
š£Ā Step 2:Ā You can make change - but you need to work at it!
BFRBs do serve a purpose, maybe not the best but albeit an attempt to help us cope and sootheĀ in response to anxiety, stress, boredom, overactivity or inactivity. Others might binge eat, gamble or chronically shop. I pull, you may pick or nail bite.
Deciding that itās time to change how we let our body and mind process the overactivity or inactivity we encounter daily is hard. But making this decision is the most important part of the process.Ā If you're not ready for change, it's just not going to happen.
š£Ā Step 3: Ā Be kind to yourself, starting with a HUG
The best treatment for trichotillomania or dermatillomania is treating yourself right!Ā What I mean by this, is you need to learn to replace negative self-speak with self-love.
This can start with the "HUG" right there on your wrist: your Keen bracelet.Ā When Iām wearing Keen, and it gently vibrates, I associate the vibration with a gentle hug on my wrist, saying āhey Ellen, you donāt have to do this, hands down and, breathe.ā Ā Whether you catch yourself before you pull or pick or while engaging in your behavior, THANK YOURSELF for your awareness, "hey, good job, I noticed!"
Step 3 is not a Step that you master and cross off your list, but rather one that nourishes you everyday, like water, food and fresh air. Ā I like to consider Step 3 a practice. We canāt always be good to ourselves but we can choose to practice being kind to ourselves. Give it a try.Ā
š£Ā Step 4: Ā I got a HUG, now Iām going to ________________
When I first started wearing Keen & Ā I felt the hug, I changed my internal dialogue:
From: āwhatās wrong with you Ellen, why canāt you stopā coupled with the slap of negative self speak and shame.
To: Ā āhey Ellen, you donāt have to do this, hands down, breathe and look around, look within -- āwhatās happening right now? how am I feeling right now? What's bothering me right now?ā
I began to create a new process and hereās what I learned about how I'm feeling in certain situations:
Situation |
Feelings |
driving |
Passive or frustrated/anxious especially if Iām lost |
In my closet choosing what to wear |
concentrating |
Reading - anywhere but especially at in bed |
Relaxing, resting |
At my desk/computer |
concentrating |
While talking on the phone |
Relaxed, anxious, mad, frustrated -- depending on the person & situation |
Waiting in line |
Bored, frustrated |
Ā
True confessions:
I tend to pull BOTH automatically, as well as purposefully/focused. Ā Before Step 2, I would go to bed with a book knowing I would pull and look forward to the pulling, loving it until my scalp started to ache and hair was all over the floor. Ā
My ritual included: Ā running the hair through my teeth, biting off the root, biting the hair into little pieces and dropping the hair on the ground. Ā I like the sound of the pluck, the feel in my hands, between my teeth, on my lips, and the final sprinkle of hair on the floor.
As I began to uncoverĀ these patterns, I moved to Step 4, experimenting with other actions to take after my hug. Hereās what I do now that I have the power of "Keen" awareness & it's hug:
Ā
Place |
Feeling |
Strategy - what I do once I get the Hug Hug = awareness, and I pat myself on the back for being aware, then Iā¦. |
driving |
Bored, passive, frustrated/anxious if Iām lost |
|
In my closet choosing what to wear |
concentrating |
Take deep breaths in and out and then choose what to wear |
Reading - anywhere but especially at in bed |
Relaxing, resting |
I keep a pencils with erasers on my nightstand. Ā I grab my book & the pencil which prevents me from pulling in bed |
At my desk/computer |
concentrating |
|
While talking on the phone |
Relaxing or could be frustrated (depending on whom Iām taking with |
|
Waiting in any long line (grocery, store, carpool) |
Bored, frustrated |
Take several deep breaths in and out |
In front of the mirror |
Dim the lights before walking in Set a timer and try to beat it |
Ā
I like the sensory feeling of the pencil erasers and the cups in my hand & I canāt pull if one hand is on the wheel or a book and the other is holding something else. Ā
I also like the feeling of deep, slow breaths in and out. Ā I uncovered that I tend to pull when Iām feeling stressed about not having enough time. Ā So Iāve added a mantra āI have plenty of time and I know just what to doā. Just saying those words, even if they are not true, calms me down and gives me a reset. Ā
Todayās Takeaways: Ā
As always, let me know what you think. Ā What works for you? Need a little extra help with Keen, we are here for you!Ā
Energetically,
Ellen
Recovering trichster & HabitAware Director of "Keen" Awareness
Not sure which size is right for you?
It's important that Keen has a snug fit on your wrist.Ā Here's a quick guide to help you decide which bracelet size to order:
Small/Medium
Fits kids and adults with small-medium wrists
min: 5.25 inches (13.3 cm)
max: 7.50 inches (19.0 cm)
Large
Fits adults with large wrists
min: 6.15 inches (15.6 cm)
max: 8.50 inches (21.6 cm)Ā
Small/Medium
Fits kids and adults with small-medium wrists
min: 5.1 inches (13.0 cm)
max: 6.8 inches (17.2 cm)
Medium/Large
Fits adults with medium-large wrists
min: 6.3 inches (16.0 cm)
max: 8.2 inches (20.8 cm)Ā