When it comes time for the Holidays, we can find ourselves exhibiting all different types of reactions.
"Yes! I'm going to have so much time to catch up on my shows!"
"Oh no, I'm going to have to get so much cooking and cleaning done."
"I'm so excited to see my friends and family!"
"I have no clue how I'll figure out getting gifts for everyone."
No matter your reaction, all of these emotions can serve as body-focused repetitive behaviors triggers, making the Holidays a complex time to navigate for people with chronic hair pulling (trichotillomania), skin picking (dermatillomania), and nail biting (onychophagia).
Take the time to prep.
You want to set yourself up for success. You want to make it easy to take care of yourself. If you're already stressed out and panicking, it's impossible to come up with ways to unwind. You're literally in fight or flight! That's why it's important you prep them ahead of time.
Spend an hour a day brainstorming and preparing strategies. Here's some of our favorite recommendations:
- Place fidget toys in places where you like to relax, like beside the couch or on your bedside table. That way, they're in easy access and can help you unwind, instead of reaching your hand in your hair.
- Commit time for a nightly wind-down routine. It could involve aromatherapy, reading, or writing in your journal (we highly recommend trying that last one!) whatever feels good to you.
- Prepare some phrases for when you need a break. "I'm going to step outside for some fresh air." "I'm going to take a quick walk." When you use these phrases, be firm and brief. You are not obligated to explain yourself.
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Break down your to-do list into manageable pieces. For example, if you know you wind find getting all of the shopping done in one day stressful, plan a few days so that the task isn't so concentrated.
- Wear Keen2 so that you can have awareness outside of yourself to help cue you into the truth: your nervous system is asking to be regulated.
Build your own "Pause Packs."
Pause packs are essential. Peer Coach Ellen recommends them to everyone she coaches. Why are they so important? Because our restless hands need something to occupy them, and we want to make it easy to reach for something new.
Here's what you'll do. Take a small container: a Tupperware, a pencil case, or even a Ziploc... and fill it with things that you can reach for when you are experiencing BFRB urges. Some of our favorite things to recommend include:
- Fidget toys: You don't have to go out and buy fancy new fidget toys. Whatever feels "good enough" in the moment is good enough! This can be easy. Hair clips, plastic coins, something interesting you find in your junk drawer. Don't make a fuss! You can find things around.
- Lotion: Keep your skin hydrated and your fingers slick with a small tube of hand lotion.
- Chapstick: Same principal as with your skin, keep your lips moist to change their texture and resist picking. You could even put aquaphor on your eyebrows to resist pulling them.
- A soft brush or fuzzy ball: If it's soft and it feels good to run over your skin, it could be helpful to gently brush it across your hands and/or face!
- Hydrocolloid patches: Cover your fingertips with these patches for an almost-invisible blocker that is extremely effective!
- A crunchy, healthy snack like nuts: This one is great for if you bite your cheeks.
It's important to note that you will likely need more than one pause pouch. In fact, the more the merrier! You'll want to put them in spots where you know you'll need them: next to the couch, on your desk, in the car, or any other trigger areas. Remember, the goal here is to make it easy to reach for an alternative when you are in-the-moment experiencing a BFRB urge. Make it easy by placing pause pouches where you know you'll need them!
Give yourself the breaks that you need.
If you've got a tendency for perfectionism, which many of us in the BFRB community do, recognize that asking yourself to "grin and bear it" will hurt you in the long run. Suppressing your needs for rest, whether it's physical or emotional, will trigger your BFRB as a subconscious attempt to find relief.
Write down these mantras and keep them with you in your purse, with your books, or on your bathroom mirror as reminders:
- I deserve rest
- I deserve things that enliven me
- I deserve to take care of myself
- My body deserves to have its needs met
- My spirit deserves to fueled
- My mind deserves to be reminded that "it's okay"
Use these sayings throughout the day to help ground yourself to the present moment, and to help reinforce the idea that taking care of yourself is a necessity, not another entry in your to-do list.
Find the inspiration you need.
As stated above, your spirit deserves to be fueled. This is especially true during the Holidays, when the days are shorter and the nights are longer.
Find ways to inspire and motivate yourself creatively. Draw! Paint! Knit! Keep those hands busy! Or, if you're not an artsy/crafty person, find that same inspiration in whatever way feels good to you. A fun way to practice discovering these things is remembering what you loved to do as a kid. Dress up? Learn about dinosaurs? Build a snow fort? Do it!
Because here's the truth: being overworked and stressed is a BFRB trigger... but so is being bored! Nobody wants to feel like a tiger in an empty cage. Give yourself time to rest, but also give yourself time to play and create!
Recognize that you're worth the effort.
During the Holidays, it's easy for priorities to slip away from your own needs. You're thinking about guests, kids, family, and making the time special for everyone else. Remember that creating the best time for everyone means filling your own cup first. You cannot take care of others to the best of your ability if you do not take care of yourself. And, when you do take care of yourself, it gives others the permission to do the same! You are modeling healthy boundaries when you say "please do not arrive early and expect me to host you when I'm still cooking," or whatever other boundary you need to lay.
Take this time to reinforce these ideas.
Keen2's vibration is your cue to check-in with yourself and ask yourself these questions:
- Have I made it easy to reach for something else?
- Have I taken a break lately?
- Have I fueled myself lately?
- Is my wellbeing the priority right now?
During the Holidays, remember that you are the one in charge of taking care of you, and you deserve every second of kindness and care that you give yourself.
Header photo by Frede Langlois
